Motherhood Mondays: Do you kiss your babies on the mouth? Or your parents?

On this Motherhood Monday, I'd love to talk about kissing babies.

First, here's a little story: When I was sixteen, we went to visit my grandparents in England. One night, I was saying good night to my grandfather. "Good night, Dilly," I said, standing next to his armchair, and then I leaned over and gave him a peck on the mouth. We had always kissed my parents on the lips, and I figured that was appropriate. I thought it was just what you did!

"Oh, yes, uh, well, Joanna," he said, flustered and almost dropping his whisky. Then he pulled himself together and looked up at me. "You know, I always say, 'A man should kiss his father on the forehead, kiss his friends and family on the cheek, and kiss his wife on the lips.'"

Oh, I thought, blushing a shade of lobster red. Good to know. I was mortified! After that, I stuck to cheek-kisses for pretty much everyone (even high-school boyfriends, but that's another story).

Fast forward fifteen years: Now that I have my own baby, I can't help kissing him all over the face, including his slobbery mouth. I basically make out with him. :) Nothing feels better than drool-y kisses from a baby. It feels instinctual. And I remember seeing a French movie years ago where the mother kissed her five-year-old daughter on the mouth, and it seemed sweet and natural (and chic:).

Funnily enough, though, Alex feels differently. I remember the day after Toby was born, we were still in the hospital, and I turned to Alex and said, "Oh, you have to kiss him on the mouth, it feels so good, you have to try it," and Alex was like, "No, thanks, I'll kiss him right here...on the top of the head." I teased him good-naturedly but, a year later, he's still rocking the forehead peck.

So, I'm curious: Do you kiss your babies on the mouth? What about older children? Was there an age where you stopped? Have you ever kissed your parents on the mouth? Do you think it's lovely or entirely inappropriate? I would LOVE to hear your thoughts!

(Top photo of Toby; bottom photos by Anais and Alain)

Family photos

After such a long winter, I almost forgot how wonderful and restorative sunshine can be! Hurray.

P.S. The 19 best NYC playgrounds.

Motherhood Mondays: On babysitters

My lovelies, for this Motherhood Monday, let's talk about babysitters.

Our very first babysitter was Naudia, who is still with us. (In the photo above, she's reading Toby his favorite story--he was only 3 months old.)

One thing that really surprised me was how hard it was to leave Toby with a babysitter for the first time. (How old were your babies when you first got a babysitter?) For us, Toby was two months old. Alex and I had planned to go to lunch and take a bike ride, and Naudia came over to babysit. But as soon as we walked out the door, I wanted to turn around and walk right back in. (My heart was racing!) Alex encouraged me to take a break and enticed me with the promise of roast chicken and fries at a nearby French bistro. I downed a glass of wine during lunch to calm my nerves and then took a wobbly bike ride while obsessing about Toby the entire time. I must have texted Naudia 1,000 times during our three-hour date! It's funny because I knew rationally that nothing bad was going to happen, but I felt so anxious--my heart was in my throat. As a new mom, my emotions were so heightened. (Did you mamas feel the same?)

Thankfully, each consecutive time that Alex and I went out, I felt more and more comfortable, and I'm so glad that Alex encouraged me. You don't always realize how much you need a break until you take one. I would return home a much more relaxed, refreshed and reinvigorated mother. (And now, of course, it's all much easier now that Toby's older!)

Nowadays Naudia is like part of our family. We completely adore her. She now babysits Toby while I work from home. When she arrives in the morning, Toby peeks over the banister and yelps and kicks with excitement. She has cute nicknames for him, takes him on "dates", and she even has his photo as her phone's wallpaper. And it's funny how quickly the walls break down when someone works in your home: She's seen Alex and me half asleep, in our pajamas (and one embarrassing morning--when Alex didn't realize that she had arrived yet--without pajamas), with messy hair, without makeup, worrying, laughing, even crying. Since I work from home in our teeny apartment, we're around each other so much; it's such an intimate relationship. It's hard to imagine ever not having her in our lives!

(By the way, years ago, I read a fascinating book called Searching for Mary Poppins, which features a collection of mothers' essays about the complex relationship between mothers and nannies. I'd highly recommend it.)

I'm so curious: Have you babysat before? If you're a mom, do you like your babysitters? Where did you find them? Have you ever had not-so-great babysitting experience? I would love to hear...
(Naudia giving Toby his very first massage. She kept saying, "He's found his utopia!":)

P.S. More about motherhood, pregnancy and babies.

Giggling.

Just 'cause.

Motherhood Mondays: On having a boy

My darlings, sorry for the late post today! I've been thinking about this one all day, and finally had a chance to write it out.

So, I'd love to ask: When you think of having children, do you ever secretly hope for a boy or a girl? Even though people don't really talk about it, I actually think it's really common to wish for one or the other.

When you're pregnant, the most important thing on your mind, of course, is having a healthy baby. Anyone who is given that gift is blessed beyond belief. I definitely did not take that for granted and felt hugely lucky to be having a baby.

But also, in my heart of hearts, when we found out we were going to have a baby, I secretly hoped that we would have a girl. I had always imagined having a daughter and doing all those fun girly things together--playing with dolls, going to ballet lessons, having heart-to-heart mother/daughter conversations, and doing all the classic (and cliched) things that are part of girlhood. I loved being a girl (and am really close to my own mom); and thought it would be such fun to raise one.

So when we found out that we were expecting a boy, I was so excited and couldn't wait to meet the little man. But part of me couldn't help secretly feeling a little disappointed. I felt really guilty for feeling that way (was I a terrible person? the gender shouldn't matter as long as the baby is healthy, right?), but the feeling remained. I had always pictured having a daughter...and now we weren't.

Plus, I kept thinking about how didn't know a single thing about boy stuff. The guys in my family are really male--they all are obsessed with motorcycles and pranks and windsurfing and whisky. Would Alex and our baby bond over sports, while I wouldn't be able to share that with them, I wondered? When we were growing up, my brother and dad talked endlessly about motorcycle parts and car racing; what if my baby boy wanted to talk about cars? I didn't know a thing about them--or care! And I'm a wuss about rollercoasters and swimming in the ocean and those types of boy-ish rough-and-tumble activities. What if he were into those things? Would I be the lame mom sitting nervously on the bench while my son bonded with all the more adventurous types?

I really worried that I wouldn't be able to connect to a boy...or, more aptly, that he wouldn't connect to me.

But then.

Toby arrived.

Once the doctor put my red-faced, wrinkly, sweet, beautiful baby boy into my arms, EVERYTHING changed.

I can tell you with all my heart, now that Toby has entered our lives, it is the most incredible, moony experience, and now I CANNOT imagine having anything other than my delicious baby boy. When he was brand new, he was so tiny, vulnerable and sweet. When I breastfed him, and he'd snuggle up and put his little hand on my chest and look into my eyes, I would just swoon.

Now that he's eleven months old, he is so lovely and has such a sweet, open demeanor. He giggles, he coos, he stands on full tippy-toe. He touches my face with serious concentration. He loves reading books and eating pears and looking out the window. Sometimes when he's asleep at night, I'll tiptoe into the nursery just to lean down and put my head near his; I love seeing his out-of-proportion body sleeping there: his big head, small shoulders, big diaper butt, and short legs. I pat his back and smell his sweet milky breath. I am totally enamored and enchanted by him. He is my little man, my lovely little boy.

Having a son has turned out to be the most amazing thing, and my apprehensions and fears seem so silly now. I'm so excited to bring him up, and previously boring things like baseball and water pistols are suddenly super thrilling, since I see them through his sweet little eyes. The other day, I was riding my bike downtown and saw a dinosaur-shaped balloon and couldn't stop thinking about how cool it was. :)

Oh, how Toby has opened my eyes!

Anyway, I thought I'd tell you, my sweet readers, since people don't often talk about their preferences for a boy or a girl (it seems like it shouldn't matter) but I think it's very normal to initially crave one over the other. And I wanted to be honest and share how needlessly worried I had been. I'm curious: Do you secretly hope for a boy or girl? How have your thoughts changed, if you've had a baby? I'm so curious to hear -- from everyone from mamas and mamas-to-be! Leave your comment anonymously, if you'd like!

(Photo credit unknown, via Abby Sharp)

Motherhood

It's amazing how much you love your own child. Although motherhood can be hard sometimes, and the juggle of work vs. life vs. baby can feel impossible to get right, Toby and his little bald head and his powdery/milky scent and his drooly smile and his throaty laugh make me so moony every time.

They say that when you have a baby, your heart lives outside you, and that phrase has come to mind so many times since Toby was born. It even feels physical: Funnily enough, when I'm away from him, like at a work meeting or dinner with friends, I often get a constant nagging feeling that I've left something behind; I keep checking my pockets for my cell phone and my wallet and my keys, and then I realize, oh, yes, of course, I left behind my Toby!

I read a great Carl Jung quote the other day: "Loneliness does not come from being alone, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important." And I realized that I'd love to talk more about the real-life, day-to-day experiences of being a new mom. So I'm excited to start a new weekly series called Monday Motherhood Moments, where we can talk openly about everything from babysitters to breastfeeding (and Alex will finally share his side of our birth story). (And is there anything specific you'd like to talk about or have been wondering about?) Much love to you all! xoxo

(Photos by Alex)

Dad's birthday weekend

My sweets, I'd love to share a few photos of my dad's birthday weekend, if you'd like to see...
We rented a big house on a frozen lake in the Poconos. My aunt, uncle, cousin, sister, brother, brother's girlfriend, and, of course, dad all piled in, and we built fires, played games and made lasagna. We also went for snowy walks (it was surprisingly wintery!).
We brought 60 candles for my dad's cake, plus another 34 candles for my sister's husband, Paul, whose birthday was the same day.
It was quite a feat.
The birthday boys.
The night of my dad's birthday dinner, I made everyone stand behind a chair to take portraits. A little cheesy, I know, but I love them. (Above is Alex, me, my twin sister Lucy, and our little brother Nick.)
Since we're usually squeezed into a tiny New York apartment, it felt awesome to hang out in a sprawling five-bedroom house. Even the sofa was enormous. Here, Alex and Toby chilled on Sunday morning.
(And one of them drooled a lot.)
Toby was visibly thrilled to be in a huge group all weekend. (One morning when I came downstairs after taking a quick shower, he was happily parked on the sofa between my dad and uncle, watching No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain, like a little couch potato. It was hilarious.)
It was such a great, cozy, relaxing weekend, and made me want to do these types of mini family getaways more often! xoxo Happy birthday, again, Paul and Dad! We adore you!

Toby gets the giggles

A little video from last weekend. Apparently the word "gulp" is secretly very, very hilarious.

P.S. Toby's laugh has changed so much! Here was his very first giggle at two months old and a belly laugh at four months old.

Toby notepads

We just made this photo notepad on Pinhole Press (my friends' company) and I wanted to share. We're totally in love with it, and I can't stop staring at it on my desk. :) Now I want to make a bunch more with wedding photos and our favorite snapshots.

You can make your own photopad here. P.S. (Wouldn't they make adorable Mother's Day presents for moms or grandmas?)

Toby at the playground

My lovelies, how's your week going? A few readers have asked for an updated Toby photo, so here he is at the playground down the street. We joke that he looks like a tourist in his camera sweatshirt and taxi legwarmers. :)

One sweet update: At nine months old, he's started getting separation anxiety. He wants me around all the time, and when I leave the house (or even the room), he completely freaks out and dissolves into tears. I have to say, it's pretty endearing (at least I know he loves me:). But if I'm working from home and need to go into the living room, I have to tiptoe by him and the babysitter with a pillow covering my head so he won't see me! I feel like I'm in a Charlie Chaplin movie. Mamas, have your little ones gotten separation anxiety?

(Toby is wearing a sweatshirt from Smallable, a bike onesie from A Little Lark, striped wool pants from Mabo, taxi legwarmers and the welcome hat from Oeuf. Since most of his clothes so far have been gifts, he's usually way better dressed that I am!)

NYC staycation

Our staycation in New York last week was really refreshing and relaxing. (Thanks again to Miss Moss for guest posting!) While my mom took care of Toby, Alex and I met up with friends, rode bikes to Williamsburg, went bowling (for real), got massages, sipped gin cocktails at this rad bar, saw The King's Speech, hit up the Guggenheim, and went ice skating in Central Park. It was so great to just be together and "knock around," as Alex says. We felt like tourists in our own city.

We also chilled with my mom and Toby, including brunch at a Mexican place in our neighborhood, where Toby thought the tablecloth was delicious. :) We miss you already, Mama!

Baby food

Now that Toby is eight months old, he has been eating more solid foods. We've given him pretty basic foods so far (carrots, bananas), and I'm not loving the baby-food jars. Then yesterday I flipped through this inspiring book, which encouraged a surprisingly wide range of real foods for young babies, including pork chops to teeth on and egg yolks with salt.

Fellow mamas, I'd love to ask you: What did you feed your babies? I would be so grateful for tips!

(Clip-on high chair by Phil & Teds; kerchief bib from Bink & Boo)

Photos of Toby

Just 'cause. :) He's almost eight months old, I can't believe it!

Vacation photos: Palm Springs

On our Christmas vacation, after spending the four days in L.A., we headed to Palm Springs to meet Alex's mom and sister. We all stayed together at this rental house. The house was totally tricked out--with a huge pool, a waterfall, a hammock, a fireplace, and toilet seats that automatically opened when you walked into the bathroom (seriously, they had sensors!). Bonus: Crazily enough, it was actually cheaper per person than a budget motel.
We took Toby swimming for the first time. He sort of loved it for a few minutes...and then decided he hated it. :)
One morning, I took a quick shower and came outside to find Toby and Alex playing "helicopter."
I have to say, it made my heart swell a little bit :)
Here's the Toby-eye-view!
Toby loved chilling with his grandma. And check out the mountain views! The desert is so gorgeous. (We heard a freaky story about a now-infamous tourist couple who took the tram up the mountain and then decided to stroll back into town. "It's just a short walk," they figured. "Doesn't our hotel look close from up here?" All they had was a pack of chewing gum, and no maps or hiking gear. Five days later, they were rescued.)
Right before Christmas, we thought it would be cool to take a family photo, inspired by these old shadow shots. It didn't really work, but we tried!
Another morning, we went to Ruby's Diner, and Toby tried mashed banana for the first time.
Despite a valiant attempt...
...he was not impressed. (His expression cracks me up.)
Another afternoon, Alex, Toby and I snuck off for a couple hours and went to the Ace Hotel & Swim Club, which has a rad pool and is amazingly family- and dog-friendly.
Alex immediately got a beer and parked himself by the hot tub.
Toby and I hung out on deck chairs...
...and dipped our feet into the gorgeous pool. Everyone there was really friendly and chatty; it felt like being at a party. :)
And on the walk home, Toby fell asleep in the stroller...
...and since he'd wake up if we stopped moving, we had to keep going...
...so we walked in circles around a cul-de-sac...
...over and over...
...for a half hour...
...ahhh, vacations with a baby! :) It was a wonderful, restorative trip and made us much more confident about family travel and, honestly, parenting in general. Sometimes it takes a break in your routine to show you what you can do. Thanks so much for reading! Have you been to Palm Springs?

A couple other favorite things: Renting fat-tired bikes, everything on the lunch menu at Cheeky's, and the local speciality: delicious date milkshakes. Any other tips, my lovelies?